The buck stops here

The car saga continues... I'm still having issues with it. It's a tight spot to be in financially... but I'm definitely not alone in that. I don't think I've spoken to anyone in my church who isn't going through some sort of financial tight spot... some very serious. Many are accompanied by significant health issues, family issues, or other complications.

It's still a little "weird" to me to have an open, honest conversation with other Christians about this stuff. There's a significant part of me that still feels the need to hide the struggles... that it's not possible to be a good Christian (or at least one with any amount of faith) if you're struggling with these things. In the "name it and claim it" economy, if you talk about your problems, you'll just get more problems. If you keep your mouth shut and just talk positive, you'll get the positive.



The problem with this way of thinking is that it tends to isolate people. How can we comfort one another with the comfort we have received if can never admit that we need to be comforted? How can we bear one another's burdens if we don't know that someone has a burden?


Over the weekend I had an opportunity to hear someone share about the struggles their family was experiencing, and I was able to share how I had also been going through some difficult times. There were no profound answers, no supernatural reassurances that everything would be OK... but there was strength in knowing that we were two believers who could pray for eachother. When I left, my car was not supernaturally repaired. The money to repair or replace it didn't supernaturally show up in my mailbox. But I'm richer today because that relationship is stronger than it ever could have been if we had both just smiled and pretended that nothing was wrong.

Car Woes Continued

I spent a lovely few hours at the mechanic's shop again this morning. The car was "fixed" Thursday, but when I picked it up, the service engine light came back on. The shop was closed by then, and I didn't have a ride, so I had no choice but drive it home. Yesterday and today, the service engine came on 3 out of 4 times that I'd start it. It was on for the entire trip from my house to the mechanic this morning... but, of course, it didn't come on again when the mechanics started it up.

*sigh*

The car needs more work... but I don't know if it's worth it. I've probably kept the thing on life support for too long anyway. I'm kinda stuck -- I've spent so much repairing this car that I don't have too much to put into buying a new one. So I keep pushing it a little further -- $400 here, $150 there... hoping that it will run long enough for me to get ahead. It's a losing battle.

Car Woes

My car broke down today. Nothing big or dramatic, it's an older vehicle and it's definitely showing its age. I pulled into a parking lot and called a friend to pick me up. It's just a potentially costly inconvenience... but with the timing, I can't help but wonder...

Over the last week or so, I've been working on this "Recovering Pentecostal" website. It hasn't even launched yet, really... I've just been setting it up, writing some background information, trying to sort out what I really want to say... It's been an opportunity to look back and think about a lot of things.

So now these negative things happen, and my knee-jerk reaction is STILL to wonder what I've done wrong: Did I miss a tithe on something? Is there some horrible sin in my life? Did I let my quiet time slip? Or the worst of the guilt trips: Is God punishing me for working on this site?

This is a perfect example of what a Recovering Pentecostal is. I'm in a great church now, and they don't teach anything even remotely similar to the concept of guaranteed divine protection for those who tow the line. I've been away from that sort of thing for over a year. I've done some study on the subject, and I know that the prosperity/protection teaching is deeply flawed. So why am I STILL jumping back to that mindset as soon as something bad happens?

Welcome to my world.