Updates

I've been neglecting my blog, so I thought I'd post a few quick updates before I get going today!

The "right hand of fellowship" was a little intimidating / uncomfortable, but overall it was a positive experience. I'm probably just not "southernized" enough yet to truly appreciate it!

Small groups start this week. My small group will be meeting on Wednesday nights. I'm a little nervous about that too... we've had a couple of weeks of "orientation" and a kickoff party, but tonight will be the first real meeting. I was spoiled in Florida -- CATB had the best small groups!! So my expectations may be a little high...

The Disciple's Heart class starts in a couple of weeks. I'm looking forward to that. Bro. Buddy will be teaching the class that I am in. He's the one who developed the class, even though he hasn't taught it in a while... so it will be a real treat to get to hear him teach it. I'm sure it will be a bit of a "stretching" time for me, but excited about that.

I've picked up some freelance jobs, including a part time position taking baby pictures at one of the hospitals. I spent Thursday, Friday, and Monday in various training and orientation meetings. It sounds like it could be a lot of fun... but after the hospital orientation session, I am a little concerned. A couple of the administrative-types at the hospital told me that they seem to have new photographers every two months or so... and that makes me wonder if there are issues with the company that I'll be working with. It takes a week for folks to get trained, then they are required to give two weeks notice... so that would mean that folks are burning out after about a month. That can't be good. Only time will tell I guess... but fortunately, I've only committed to two days per week at this point. We'll have to see how it goes!

Mixed emotions

I've made a couple of big decisions... and this week (especially) has been an emotional roller coaster ride!

I'm moving to Louisiana. I went out there this past weekend. It is amazing how much it already feels like home -- how comfortable I am at Christian Challenge (where I will be attending church when I move). It feels like every time I turn around, another little piece of the puzzle is falling into place. Everything is coming together much more quickly and favorably than I could have ever anticipated.

I turned in my resignation to my current employer. I was nervous about that. I wanted to give them more than enough notice, but at the same time, I knew that they could terminate me on the spot once I gave them notice. Fortunately, that didn't happen and they're willing to let me work (even partial weeks) up until I move. So that's a blessing.

I also let my pastors & friends at church know about my plans. When I first broke the news to them a few weeks ago, I thought that I'd be moving sometime over the summer -- definitely not before June. But now, I'm looking at May... and that's not a lot of time. I don't even want to think about my last week at Church at the Bay... that's going to be really rough.

But... even though it is going to be rough, it's going to be rough for good reasons (if that makes any sense!)

When I left the last unhealthy church that I attended, I was told that I would be out of God's will, horrible things would happen to me, and I was in rebellion 'cause I wouldn't listen to the pastor. But this time, leaving my church isn't at all like that. My pastors love me and don't want to see me leave... but they want God's best for me, and they're praying for me. They're not trying to guilt-trip me into staying. And you know what? In some ways, that makes it even more difficult to leave!

It also means that any church I attend after CATB is going to have to meet some pretty high standards! Now that I know what a healthy church looks like, I can never settle for anything less.

*sigh*

More later...

More thoughts on God's will

I stumbled on this quote tonight in another forum, and it goes so well with what I've been blogging lately that I had to share it here:

"MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone."- Thomas Merton, "Thoughts in Solitude"

Purpose & Obedience

My small group has just started working through a curriculum called "Breakaway" from Andy Stanley. It's interesting how the same "theme" can pop up again and again in different areas of my life. There are some similar things in this teaching at the Mark Batterson book I recently finished. The "Breakaway" series talks about how we all started out with big dreams about doing big things, but in the end we wind up living pretty ordinary lives. It talks about how to live an extraordinary life without running away from relationships or responsibilities -- by changing our beliefs and attitudes instead of our circumstances. Stanley says that our life is the result of the decisions we've made -- and our decisions are the result of our beliefs. Bad beliefs lead to bad decisions and bad outcomes... so we neglect the root of the problem when we try to change our circumstances without addressing the underlying beliefs that brought us there in the first place.

On the surface, it might seem that the Batterson book is actually encouraging the opposite of what the "Breakaway" series teaches. He talks about chasing lions and getting out of our comfort zones -- making the kinds of radical decisions that can change the course of a life. In fact, he highlights the stories of several individuals (including himself) who uprooted their lives, took dangerous risks, and came out on top. After reading some parts of Batterson's book, I imagined myself quitting my job to pursue some dormant dreams... chasing my own lions.

But here's where my "lion chasing" comes to a screeching halt: I've made a lot of big decisions (that wound up being bad decisions) because I thought that God was leading me in that direction. If I was wrong then... what reason do I have to be confident now? It all goes back to that idea of destiny that I blogged about...

So how does this tie in to the "Breakaway" message? Here's another Batterson quote:

"Obedience is a willingness to do whatever, whenever, wherever God calls us. And that looks very different for each of us. It doesn't always necessitate going halfway around the world. Often the most courageous actions only require us going across the room or across the street."

Maybe "big obedience" -- at least the way Batterson writes about it -- is not an option for me right now. But what about the smaller things? I don't need some earth-shaking revelation from God to tell me that I'm supposed to share my faith with others. How am I doing that in my everyday life? Is my restlessness and desire for "bigger" things clouding my vision so I miss a million smaller opportunities that present themselves every day?

Or, to put it in Stanley's terms from the "Breakaway" series: Can I identify a faulty belief that resulted in a bad decision and a bad outcome? Perhaps my "faulty belief" is that true obedience must take the form of lion-chasing: if it isn't radical, it isn't God...

Mail & Miracles

When I collect my mail, I sort it into the "important" pile and the "probably junk" pile. The important stuff gets my attention, while the junk gathers dust until I have time to sort through it, shred it, and trash it.

I've been waiting for a letter from my bank -- I recently asked for a new ATM/Check card. The card was sent a few weeks ago. I was supposed to receive a separate mailing a week or two later with instructions to activate it. So I've been waiting for that second letter...

Thursday night, I decided to sort through my out-of-control junk pile. Guess what? That activation letter I've been waiting for was in the pile! The envelope didn't have my bank's logo or address on it. There was nothing to indicate that the letter was important. In short: it wasn't what I was expecting, so I missed it.

Last night in my small group, we discussed a few more chapters from the Lifestories book. I'm really enjoying this study.

One of the questions asked if we could remember a time when God had done something miraculous in our lives and if we were willing to share it. Immediately, I started thinking about things like instantaneous healings--something overwhelmingly and undeniably supernatural.

That wasn't what everyone else was thinking about. Some shared about the birth of their children. Others talked about the salvation of a friend or relative. Someone else talked about how God was working in their lives through a slow but steady recovery from a medical problem.

It's amazing to me how different the discussion would have been if this was a Pentecostal small group. Same materials -- different conclusions.

If I were reading this book on my own, I might have never considered miracles that didn't fit my narrow definition, which is admittedly a hold over from my Pentecostal days. It made me look at the whole chapter differently. I wonder how many "miracles" I've overlooked because they didn't come in the package that I was expecting.

Here I Go Again & Suicide

My small group is going through the Lifestories book from Casting Crowns. Tonight, one of the songs we discussed was Here I Go Again. It talks about sharing our faith with others... or more to the point, what happens when we don't share our faith.

Mark Hall shares the story of a friend that he failed -- twice. Ultimately, this person took his own life. Mark had opportunities to speak to this person, but never said what he felt he should have said.

That was a tough story to read... not just because it's tragic. It was tough for me because there are parallels to my own life. There have been times when I felt like I needed to talk to someone about God and I didn't... and I walked away from the last opportunity I would ever have to share God's love--or anything else, for that matter--with them.

That's a tough lesson to learn.

I've often wondered if my input would have changed those story lines at all. Maybe... maybe not.

We also wound up talking about suicide. A lot of Christians believe that if you commit suicide, you go straight to hell. That's what I was taught, anyhow. Several others in my small group were taught the same thing. Depending on the "flavor" of your upbringing, the idea is that either suicide is such a terrible sin that you lose your salvation over it, or the very act of committing suicide demonstrates that you never knew God in the first place.

I can't accept either of those positions. It's a horrible thing, a sin, and as far as I'm concerned it is never the right choice to make--nothing justifies it. But I refuse to believe that they are automatically condemned to hell. Only God knows what was in their heart.

Benny Hinn?

My church recently kicked off a new season of small groups, little Bible studies that meet in people's homes, and I decided to visit one this week.

Any time a new group of people get together, there's always some awkward and uncomfortable moments. The group leaders were trying to fill those gaps with conversation and attempting to get to know the people who were there. One of the couples mentioned that they were going to a Benny Hinn crusade.

Now granted, Benny Hinn isn't a traditional Pentecostal. He gets criticized by many on the Pentecostal fringe for being too ecumenical, although even then people tend to be careful of what they say because of the "don't touch the Lord's anointed" clause. There's plenty of scare-lore out there about what happens to bad little boys and girls who laugh at the eccentric evangelist. He also gets criticized by those on the other side of the spectrum for being too "fringe."

I guess it just surprised me that someone in this church would find Benny Hinn pallatable, let alone appealing.

It was also strange because it wasn't like the conversations I had in the past with more "fringe" Pentecostal friends. When they talk about going some distance to see a famous minister, it's full of expectation for getting their breakthrough or receiving a healing or "getting a word" from God. There's a spiritual purpose in making the trip, not to mention a significant emotional investment. For them, it isn't like going to six flags or a football game. It's a pilgrimage. Their faith might be misplaced, but it is nothing if not sincere.

So this raises a couple of questions for me.

First, how can someone sit in the same church as I do, hear the same sermons that I hear, and still want to go to a Benny Hinn meeting? Second, why would someone want to go to a Benny Hinn meeting purely for the entertainment value?

I have no answers...

Old school

I went to a Bible Study last night, and was quite surprised to discover that the majority of those in attendance had very little knowledge of the Old Testament, even of some pretty significant characters. I'm not a Bible scholar by any measure, but at least I've read it a couple of times. I guess it surprised me that such a large collection of individuals who had gathered together for the purpose of studying the Bible hadn't read it... or at least hadn't read it recently.

I'll admit, I skip over most of the so-and-so became the father of so-and-so stuff... but there are some really good stories in there too! The story of Esther was turned into a book & movie recently. The prayer of Jabez became a full-blown Christian fad a few years ago when someone took two sentences from the Old Testament and wrote a book about it. Christians and non-Christians alike know the stories of Noah and Moses and Joseph and Jonah etc etc... or at least I thought they did!!

Maybe I'm just "old school"!