Looking up - Remembering 9/11

Like many of you, I can remember exactly where I was and what I was doing on this day 7 years ago. In the days following the attack, I wrote this on my website... and I wanted to share it again today:


I don't remember exactly how old I was the first time my dad took me to see the World Trade Center "up close." I couldn't have been more than six or seven. My parents tell me I was only 3 or 4... I certainly look young in these pictures that they found. New York City was so big and so strange--fascinating and frightening at the same time--but my father's firm grip on my tiny hand gave me the confidence to keep moving forward in this intimidating new world.

When we emerged from the subway station beneath the Twin Towers, my dad led me out to the plaza and turned to face one of the outside walls. "Look up," he said. I looked, and the vertical lines of the buildings' outer structure drew my gaze upwards, mouth gaping and head tilted back, until I nearly fell over backwards! It was so big, and I was so small, and somehow in that moment my perspective was forever changed.

Over the next 20+ years I visited the World Trade Center many times. Often, I had the privilege of bringing other first time visitors to that same spot where my father had first told me to "Look up." It was an experience that never lost its power for me, even as an adult.

I was living in New York City during the 1993 Trade Center bombing, but never imagined that I'd live to see the horrific scene that unfolded on September 11th of 2001. I found my way to a television set just in time to watch the second tower collapse. Once again, I felt so very small and helpless... and in that moment I realized that my perspective and the perspective of an entire nation was forever changed.

Like many others, I've been struggling to grasp the reality and magnitude of these tragic events. I don't have any profound answers... nor am I expecting any. I don't understand it... I may never understand it. But as overwhelming and frightening as it is, I am still confident that my Heavenly Father has not loosened His grasp--and when I put myself in His hands, I can face anything in this intimidating new world.

We no longer have the striking architecture of the World Trade Center to draw our gaze upwards, but now more than ever we must "look up." The pain and the loss are beyond description... but the strength of this nation is beyond estimation. So look up... and encourage others to do the same.

Virginia Tech Massacre

Wow. Today was a horrible day -- it makes me sick to think about it. 32 innocent people just wiped out by one nutcase.

Yesterday's message from church seems somehow even more relevant today.

I'm just hoping that some well-meaning "Christian" leader doesn't add to the pain of these students and families by suggesting some profound sounding psuedo-spiritual reason for the massacre. That absolutely disgusted me in the wake of hurricane Katrina -- "Christians" claimed that Katrina was divine punishment for everything from gambling to drunkenness to slavery.

After 9/11, I was actually in a church where the pastor said that more people would have survived if they had been "tuned in" to God and listened to his warnings. He cited instances of folks who only survived because they were late for work that morning or decided to run other errands before coming to the office. What an insensitive position to take... not only is your loved one gone, but they couldn't have possibly been "tuned in" to God when they died. In other words, they must have been lousy Christians if they were Christians at all.

My thoughts and prayers are with the students and their families... and with those who will be ministering to them in the days to come. I hope they will have the wisdom to apply salve rather than salt to the wounds.

Evangelistic license

Sometimes, it's so easy for things to just roll off my back. They don't bother me. I never give it a second thought. Other times... I can't seem to let go. I replay the situation over and over in my head. I get angry.

An advertisement for a Pentecostal "crusade" hit one of those hot buttons for me recently.

I'm used to seeing a lot of "pull-on-your-heartstrings" stuff, so much so that maybe I dismiss it too easily. It doesn't bother me so much when ministers are promoted as larger than life heroes who do everything from build orphanages to raise the dead. I'm not phased by emotional clips and soundbites from past services (even if I have good reason to believe that the lady who got up out of the wheelchair at the fall 2002 conference was the same one who got up out of the wheelchair in another minister's spring 2003 conference and who knows how many other places). But this one promotional video in particular just made my blood boil. It hit too close to home.

I'm originally from the New York City area. Images of 9/11 are permanently etched in my mind. The fact that some people have tried to profit financially from the losses of others is just about the worst kind of ugly I can imagine. The fact that some of these people are ministers is downright disgusting--and I would feel the same way no matter what "flavor" of minister they were.

The offending promo video was produced sometime last summer. It featured clips of the minister at a conference in NYC in the 90s. He was warning them to get right with God, what if a missile were to hit Manhattan? Images of the 9/11 attacks flashed across the screen. The implication was that this minister had predicted the 9/11 terrorist attacks. That's outrageous enough in and of itself. I've been around ministry long enough to know that most itinerants preach the same basic message wherever they go. I wonder how many other cities had been warned of impending attacks that never happened? Even a stopped watch is right twice a day.

OK, so maybe that could be chalked up to "Evangelistic license." After all, he did say it, and something did happen, and perhaps his staff was just a bit too zealous in promoting him.

But what they were promoting was a new series of meetings, and they were seeking financial support to make them possible. They used images of people dying in NYC to raise money for their ministry.

I felt like screaming: If you're such a good minister, if you have such an "in" with God, why didn't you intercede for the city and make it stop? If you believe that your prayers are answered, what the heck were you praying for??

It was horrible the first time I saw it months and months ago, it was still horrible when I saw it again just recently. It makes me a little sick just thinking about it.

It also makes me wonder about what I believe and what I used to believe. What do I do with all that supernatural stuff? Is it really supernatural at all? Is it just luck? Is it fake? I think I've seen some genuine miracles, but I know for sure that I've seen a lot of fluff and attention seeking and outright fakes. I wanted to believe in divine protection, but I didn't want to be in a church where every time I got sick, had to fix my car, or had something happen in my family, people were wondering what sin I had committed to get outside of God's favor.

I've heard a lot of so-called "Words from God" or prophetic words... and often wondered how much of that was God and how much was an expression of that person's desires. I've seen them horribly misused. If your pastor has a "word" and you disagree with it, you're either disagreeing with God or challenging the pastor's relationship with God. If you say nothing, but don't do what the "word" directs, you're rebelling against authority. That's a terrible spot to be in.

What if I wasn't from NYC? What if 9/11 was just an impersonal tragedy to me? Would I be cheering that minister on, contributing to his crusades?

For now, I guess I just have to put this whole mess on the back burner.